Here's where I am at...

It has been a crazy few weeks. I would never have guessed that something would eclipse coronavirus. In the news, in my mind. But then it did. George Floyd. Breonna Taylor. It feels as if our world has erupted. Even more so than before. Protests. Violence. Uprisings. So very heavy. Now it has my attention. Like never before. Do I get caught up wondering why I was ok living in a world where black people were oppressed and murdered on a regular basis? Or do I get busy starting the work to unravel my long-held beliefs and unexamined, unearned privileges? I kept asking myself, if a police officer chose to choke the last breath out of one of my sons, what would I do? What would I want? Damn straight I would want people of all shapes, sizes and colours, sexualities, geographical locations, political party and religious beliefs to show solidarity and rise up to fight for a better world where this Never. Happens. Again. This is not an American problem. It is a human problem. I am learning. I am unlearning.

This week also brought some challenges that knocked me off my centre. I had some tests come back that gave me information about an inherited gene that I carry. It means all sorts of things, and I quickly became caught up and lost in all of the choices and information in front of me. I was spinning and floating in a way that made my regular routine tricky to navigate. My anxiety loves to be fed, and this new information allowed me to be consumed with thinking about the future, the choices, the conversations and the outcomes. Let’s just say that I have been a little distracted. I was trying desperately to calm myself and get centred, but it wasn’t really working.

I am so fortunate to have a network of friends and loving family around me. I knew I could call a friend and hash out my fears about what was going on for me. But no matter how many times I did that, I was struggling to settle myself down. It was an inside job. I needed to go deeper. I needed to get in touch with what was happening for me at a soul level. What are my fears, what do I have control of and what do I not?

I was led to join Beautycounter a few months ago. I met an amazing mentor and friend who led me to Dr. Haile and introduced me to the SoulStrong work that I have been doing for the last few weeks? Months? I have lost track. This work is about helping women tune into their soul purpose and truly learn to love the body they are in, while also learning to tap into an intuition that we are all born with. Some of us need to learn how to exercise this intuition muscle and reconnect with our inner Knowing. This work is right up my alley. It is not easy, but it is so important.

When I was feeling so untethered this week, I booked a session with Dr. Haile where she combined her knowledge as a naturopathic doctor with massage therapy, cupping, acupuncture, healing touch, talking, and good old-fashioned hugs. Any words to explain what her methods are do not do them justice. I can just say that I landed in exactly the right place. Within an hour she had me so grounded back into my body that I felt an immense heaviness and relief. It was delicious. For someone who often lives in her head, it felt like a huge relief to be solidly planted back into my body. I was exhausted. Elated. Tired. Felt like I had been run over by a car, but in a good way.

I am here now, in my body, in this moment. We always have choices. I am strong, I am healthy, and my job right now is to continue learning how to love myself. Every single cell of my body. Focus my love inwards on myself. I can’t even find words to explain it. I just know that it feels really, really good.

I am so thankful for where I am at. I have decided to start Dr. Haile’s SoulStrong Coaching course to learn more about intuition, growth, and loving my whole self. Especially as a woman. This course will require me to continue my own growth, while also teaching me how to help others on a similar path. I am wholeheartedly committed to that. It is a definite ‘yes’ for me. And my experience this week makes me even happier that I have chosen to go in that direction with the SoulStrong group. It can be done in partnership with other projects and passions I have, so I am excited to continue this work and growth.

Today I feel strong. Settled. Healthy. And in no rush to try and sort out what the future will look like. What in this moment is missing? Absolutely nothing. It feels amazing. I am going to stay with that. This moment. It is the only moment that I can truly live in. It allows me to rest my mind, and just appreciate this moment. And I vow to continue my learning, and my unlearning. There is much to do.

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