Just today...

I have learned in the last few years that I love dopamine hits. Can’t get enough. Physiologically speaking, my tests show that I am actually low in dopamine stores and production. In real life what this means is that I love jigsaw puzzles, crossing tasks off a list, crossword puzzles and music. I get satisfaction and joy from these activities that not everyone can relate to. But if you can, then you know exactly what I mean.

Life right now can feel like trying to take a sip of water through a firehose. I find the magnitude of information coming at us in a day overwhelming at the best of times. Coronavirus has certainly not helped this situation as you can imagine. So now my days weave in and out of me trying to jump in the river and go with the flow of the water, and me feeling totally overwhelmed and wanting to turtle under my safety blanket and not interact with anybody. Until, I slowly unwind, start to feel a need for connection and attempt to re-enter this world we are living in. Things have gotten intense.

Yesterday was a day of feeling a little lost for me and today seemed to continue in that same vein. The word ‘tailspin’ kept coming to me. “Be gentle Laura, you are in a tailspin”. Going back and forth between working and living our new reality at home has me constantly having to adjust and rarely settle in to a routine that I can rely on. Thankfully I am not bad at flying by the seat of my pants, for the most part I am doing alright. I have years of flying by the seat of my pants experience that comes in very handy. I have my non-negotiables, my creature comforts, my coping skills, my love of adventure, my ability to adapt to change. These all help. But I also have my limits, my boundaries, and a real clear line where I decide I am “done” and need to retreat to safety. A book, my car, a conversation with a friend, exercise, my journal.

There is a lot coming at us right now. Especially online. More than ever, people are offering their courses, their skills, their writing (thank you for reading this far), their workouts, online. Many times it is even given for free. For me, even the blast of positive, creative and inspiring content can become overwhelming. It is too easy for me to get lost in all that, and it actually separates me from listening to my own intuition that already knows exactly what I need to do. Not a bad thing, just an observation.

After being overwhelmed, lost and anxious this morning, I played 15 minutes of ping pong with my family (fun break) and then went for a 30-minute run while listening to a podcast. The podcast was about having a vision in your business, and how critical that is to move you towards where you want to go. Different than a mission, a vision is even bigger. My brain likes to have something different to focus on, and then it will help stop the constant anxiety I feel that is especially amped up right now.

Once again, those steps I took this morning started to clear the fog from my brain. The fog that I was having a hard time putting a name to. I get so caught up in worrying about what has already happened, and what is going to happen in the future that it can put me into a tailspin. I need to constantly remember and return to this present moment. Just this day. Don’t worry about everything else around that. Just this day. Return to myself and things somehow seem to fall into line. It doesn’t change the pandemic situation, but it sure makes me feel like I can manage better and show up for myself as well as the people who are counting on me.

As I already said, there are so many fantastic resources out there right now. There is something for everyone. But be mindful of sinking into overwhelm and paralysis when faced with infinite choices and resources at your disposal. I am being more thoughtful with my purchases. I am finding the resources that work best for me, and then I am going to continue working those tools so that I keep myself on track. Not every offer is right for every person. Find the ones that speak to you and then work the shit out of them. Dive in and flow. With the river. And then retreat when your soul tells you to. Be gentle with yourself and with others. We are doing the best that we can.

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